Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

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But I will tell you I now understand the desire to have your children succeed in an activity and through it being looked at as a successful parent. 

Unfortunately, as parents, we often invest in short-term happiness at the expense of long-term growth.

For example, when we help our children avoid childhood discomforts now, we keep them from developing skills needed to handle future pain or suffering. Instead, we need to teach coping skills and resilience necessary to bounce back from life’s inevitable setbacks.

My prospective got back on track after reading this quote:

“Your kid’s success or lack of success in sports does not indicate what kind of parent you are.  But having an athlete that is coachable, respectful, a great teammate, mentally tough, resilient, and who tries their best is a direct reflection of your parenting.” (Unknown)

This is why I coach! To make kids better on and off the court through the sport of basketball.

The sport is the carrot to teach life skills and character traits that will allow them to handle whatever life throws at them and still succeed.

This reinforced that I need to take that same coaching approach and use it as a parent to help my children learn invaluable lessons through sports that will prepare them for life.

As a parent, I can’t get wrapped up on what team they are on, their statistics, their awards and trophies to view my success. I need to stay laser focused on allowing the sports to be a great teacher to instill positive habits that will be beneficial throughout their lives.

Parents – Here are 6 ways to create positive sports experience for your child! 

This will instill positive character traits and life skills to last a lifetime for your child:

  1. Let It Be Your Child’s Experience: In order to do so, we must acknowledge that we can’t control the experience of our child…that is why it is called an experience. When we experience something we will have good times and bad times, great moments and average plays, we will deal with victory and defeat…allow your child to experience these highs and lows in sport which will allow them to deal with the ups and downs of life…If we try to control the experience our child is not being prepared for life.
  1. Focus on The Process: Sports like life are a process and we need to attack the process every day to grow and get better. The process is hard work, knowledge, attitude, perspective, teamwork, coachability, dealing with success and failure. Winning will only be the by product in sports and in life.
  1. Encourage Your Child to Take Responsibility: Teach your child early on not to pass the blame or make excuses, but to take responsibility for their actions.
  1. Let Your Child Solve Their Own Problems: There is much to be gained in learning how to solve problems as there is in solving the problems themselves. Your child should know that you’re always there for them, and that they can call on you when needed, but give them the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems.
  1. Allow Them to Learn Through Consequences: Sometimes the best thing that can happen is to make a big mistake and live with the consequences. However, it’s often the case that the mistakes we make as children have fewer long-range effects than things we screw up when we get older. So, it is better to learn from smaller mistakes while we’re young.
  1. Embrace and Understand That Failure is Inevitable: Failure is a prerequisite to success. No One accomplishes anything great if he or she is afraid to fail. In failure, children learn how to struggle with adversity and how to confront fear. By reflecting on failure, children begin to see how to correct themselves and then try again with better results.

I know it can be tough to look at the long-range goals when you get wrapped up in the emotions of your child.

But we need to not lose sight of the need to ingrain the positive character traits and life skills that will enable your child to successfully navigate through life on their own as they get old enough to leave your home.

That is the mindset you need to develop on how you view success as a parent.

The value is not in the medals and trophies that will collect dust and eventually be thrown out or left behind. The ultimate value is “WHO WE BECOME THROUGH THE SPORT!”

– Coach Jim Huber

My Son Did Not Start Today

Posted: February 14, 2019 in Kids, Parents

Posted: January 16, 2016Author: 

My son is 9.  His name is Nate.  He LOVES sports.

In football this year, he led the team in touchdowns . . . . and tackles.  In baseball, he was the starting short stop, and hit the ball further than anyone in the whole league.   In soccer, nobody on his team scored more goals last Spring.  He’s an athletic kid.

Nate has played 4 seasons of basketball, 1 season of baseball, 1 season of soccer, and 3 seasons of flag football.  And because he’s the biggest kid on the team (every single season, not one teammate has been taller on any of those 9 teams), he’s usually been one of the best kids.

It doesn’t hurt that he was at a high school football game the fifth day he was alive; I was a Head Football Coach at the high school level at the time, 2006.  He’s grown up around the fields and gyms as I’ve been a high school Athletic Director for 6 of his 9 years.

They’ve had two basketball practices this year, today was their first game.  I’ve been to both practices.  I told my wife after the first one, “well this is going to be an interesting season for Nate.  He’s not the best player on the team this year.”  I’ve got a very realistic view of my kid’s talent.  I know that most of his success so far has been because of his size.

The first year he played basketball, his team would win 14-4 or 18-12, and Nate would score 10 or 14 points.  The coach LOVED him.  But look how easy it was for him to score! He was a giant!!

The next year, his coach told him to shoot a whole lot more than I thought he should.  I would tell him to pass the ball more, so other kids would have a chance, and he would say “Dad, my coach told me not to, cause the other kids can’t make them like me.”

So I was worried about how he would react to the first time he wasn’t “the man” on this team, the first time he wasn’t a starter.  I wondered when that would be.

For the first time ever my son didn’t start today.  

Today when I watched the coach sit the whole team down on the bench, and then call out 5 of the 9 and 10 year olds to take the court, my son wasn’t picked.  Nate was one of the three left on the bench.  My heart kind of sunk.  For my kid.

I was worried about this day, when he wasn’t the best kid, or at least one of the top ones on the team.  I was worried  for my kid.  How would he react?  I’ve been working with unrealistic parents for 15 years as a high school football coach.  I definitely DO NOT want to be THAT dad!  So, I wasn’t worried about me, I was worried about my son.

And you know what?

He NEVER even mentioned not being a starter, not one time today did he even hint at it.  I even tried to get him to.  “What was your favorite part of the game?”   “What was your least favorite?”  “What was the best thing?”  “What was the worst thing?”

His favorite part: “We won!”

Least favorite: “The one basket I missed.”  (He did score 2 points)

The best thing: “We won!”

Worst thing: “That the game was over.”

Parents: your kids will be fine if they don’t start!  As long as you’re fine!!!

If you’re teaching your kids all along the way that the TEAM > i, then when he doesn’t start, it won’t be a big deal.

If you’re teaching your kid to shake the coach’s hand, and say thank you after every single practice and game, he will have a healthy respect for his coach; it won’t matter when he doesn’t start.

If you teach your kid that every single person has a role to play on a team, starting at a young age, then it won’t be a big deal when he doesn’t start.

If you teach your kid to “just play hard and have fun,” then it won’t be a big deal when he doesn’t start.

If you use teachable moments while watching the NFL to teach your child that you don’t always get what you want, it won’t be a big deal when he doesn’t start.

I was more proud of my son today then I ever have been.  He was the only one on the bench standing and cheering for his teammates.

And this afternoon, while there was a commercial break during the NFL game, I asked him why he likes to cheer so much for his team when he isn’t in the game.  This little 9 year old looked up at me and said “Dad, I like to treat others the way I want to be treated.”

For the first time my son didn’t start today, and I couldn’t have been more proud!

 Author Chris Fore is a veteran football coach and athletic director from Southern California.  He has a Masters degree in Athletic Administration, is a Certified Athletic Administrator, and is on the California Coaches Association Board.  Eight Laces Consulting, his business, provides dynamite resources for coaches.  He is the author of An Insider’s Guide To Scoring Your Next Coaching JobBuilding Championship Caliber Football Programs, and the Outside The Lines Manual for Football Coaches.